Supermen

Will Smith’s long awaited movie Hancock opened this week as a box office dollar bonanza, but was received by critics with a disappointed sigh. The film was as bold in its initial concept as it was flawed in execution, but I believe it still merits a look from any true movie fan. The film’s intriguing plot, though, has sent my mind on another of those dangerous flights of fancy. What does society do with a super hero who utterly fails to live up to some chivalric standard as a defender of a perfect society? What should we make of a mythic figure who loses interest in tracking down criminals and, instead, spends his time seeking out the best sale prices on cheap wine? What is there to say when our epic guardian stops using his x-ray vision to ferret out thieves in the bank vault and chooses instead to peer inside the ladies’ changing room at the department store? Perhaps we’re better off fighting our own battles. I suspect that Richard O’Brien had such a scenario in mind when he penned the lyrics for “Super Heroes” from his classic 1975 film, The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

And Super Heroes come to feast
To taste the flesh not yet deceased
And all I know is still the beast is feeding.

And crawling on the planet’s face,
Some insects called the human race
Lost in time and lost in space, and meaning.

The other problem you get with super heroes, of course, is the need for an adequate supply of super villains. When your omnipotent knight is indestructible and possesses powers of which mortal man can only dream, normal thugs, bullies and brigands simply don’t represent a challenge for him. And in the real world, those aren’t the sorts of problems he would be called upon to deal with anyway. Suppose that a world leader launched a war which nearly everyone opposed and did so on a faulty basis. “Help us, Hancock,” we would cry out plaintively. “Go stop the war!”

But what is Hancock to do? Short of flying over there and killing everyone on both sides, the options seem limited. Brute force isn’t a very useful tool when trying to wrestle with an ethereal concept like peace. You’d have better luck trying to catch smoke with a butterfly net. Economy in a slump and the housing market taking a dive? No need to call Hancock. Aside from possibly providing a brief spike in the sales of alcoholic beverages, it doesn’t seem like he would be much help.

As for the energy crisis, I suppose we could ask him to go crashing through the Earth’s crust to locate and open up some new petroleum reserves. Given his track record in the film, however, he would probably just activate a slew of tectonic fault lines and level half the nation in a rash of earthquakes.

And Hancock wouldn’t dare dip a toe in national politics to try solving any problems. No matter which party he chose to join, the opposition would immediately point out all of the destruction he had previously caused, note how he had never joined the military and probably say he was a Muslim. (And did I mention he’s black?)

No, friends, I fear that we have no room for super heroes in our modern world. They simply don’t fit in with the rest of the picture. We’re stuck here in our lifeboat with naught but our own wits and limited resources to carry the day. And perhaps that’s for the best. I certainly don’t need anyone tossing a stranded whale on top of my sailboat, thank you very much.