Hillary Clinton’s Booze Adviser
Apr 13th, 2008 | 45 responses
While I have enjoyed writing columns here at The Moderate Voice in the short time since Joe Gandelman invited me, I feel it only fair to give warning to both the Editor and our readers that I may be moving on to a new position which could stop me from doing this. You see, I am going to be announcing my availability to accept a position with the Hillary Clinton campaign as her official Campaign Booze Adviser. With Mark Penn out of the picture, it has now become more clear than ever that the candidate is desperately in need of such services. This became obvious after Senator Clinton’s recent appearance as a booze chugging, pizza gobbling, regular old gal. While I know I’ve not been hired yet, I shall offer my first consultation to you free of charge here today.
(Photo Credit AP via CNN’s Political Ticker)
CROWN POINT, Indiana – After a day of taking shots at rival Sen. Barack Obama over his “bitter” remarks, Sen. Hillary Clinton relaxed in Crown Point, Indiana and took a shot of a different kind – Crown Royal whiskey.
Clinton was at Bronko’s Restaurant having a beer when the bartender asked, “You want a shot with that Hillary?” After some deliberation, Clinton settled on a shot of Crown Royal…
Later in the evening, the Democratic presidential hopeful also sat down and had some pizza.
CBS provides some additional detail, revealing that her beer choices were also a switch from her normal consumption style.
After a long day of campaigning Clinton was cajoled into taking a shot of Crown Royal whisky, which she sipped at first, but later threw her head back and swallowed it down. That led to a few beers and some pizza.
And although Clinton is no stranger to late night drinks with the press and her staff, she usually prefers red wine or the trendy wheat ale Blue Moon with a slice of orange, not the watery light beer in the glass mug she waved in the air so proudly as the crowd chanted her name.
Clearly the Mainstream Media is once again falling down on the job with this shoddy reporting on a critical campaign story. And this is precisely why my help is needed on the campaign, this being one of my few areas of expertise. First of all, what was the order in which the drinking took place? The two reports are clearly contradictory. Did she do a shot and then wash it down with a beer chaser? Or did she start with the beer and decide on a shot later in the session? There are meticulous pub protocols to follow here, and you don’t want to mess that up.
Second, as to the brand choices. Crown Royal? Really Hillary? Have you nobody advising you any more? To start with, you are trying to impress the “real people” in Pennsylvania and Indiana… regular, middle class Americans. Crown Royal is a Canadian whiskey. It’s also one of the more expensive of the top shelf liquors you’ll find in your average bar. I’m not saying you had to go for the well drinks, which are often just dreadful, but you could at least have asked for Jack Daniels or Jim Beam. If you simply must tick off the poor folks and drink top shelf, go with Knob Creek.
Next, a mug of “watery light beer” on tap was not terrible, but not your strongest move. Clearly the reporter has no clue about politics, since that “watery light beer” is what’s being drunk by a vast swath of the electorate. But you could still do better. Iron City or Rolling Rock would demonstrate your every-man, beer chugging credentials while scoring huge points with the Pennsylbama crowd. If you wanted a more national flavor to your image, Old Milwaukee will never steer you wrong, though frankly I think it tastes like dishwater and gives you a hangover to kill a moose. But hey… we’re going for votes here.
I don’t know how you let this information about your “normal” drinking habits get out to the press, but red wine and Blue Moon wheat ale with a slice of orange are most certainly not the way to go. Hey, I drink wine and love well crafted microbrews myself, but then I’m not running for president. Putting any sort of fruit in your beer just reminds people of the folks who drink that watered down Mexican beer with a wedge of lime in it. Not the image we’re going for, here. And wine? Now you’re just setting yourself up for the limousine liberal tag which the Republicans toss at Senator Obama endlessly. You’re going for the common man here. Stick with the beer and shots routine, but please… keep an eye on the brands!
Senator Clinton, e-mail me. (jazzshaw@gmail.com) I’ll send you my phone number, you’ll ring me up and we’ll chat. I’ll have this campaign back on its feet, albeit at a bit of a stagger, in no time flat. Plus, I’ll help you work on your left hook for those inevitable pub brawls.
45 Responses to “Hillary Clinton’s Booze Adviser”
Excellent post. I expect JazzShaw to be snapped up by HRC…or maybe Obama, who clearly needs advice in this area more.
Americans Presidential preferences have, for a generation, been determined by which person one would prefer to have a beer with.
Recall that famous photo of Kerry's incredible discomfort sitting at a bar – after a hunting photoop – trying to look like a regular Joe, with incredulous boozers at his side.
As Maureen Dowd noted, with incisive savagery, Kerry's desperate expression looked like he wished the beer in front of him was transformed into a sherry.
Dubya, on the other hand, never had that discomfort.
For a generation, the Democrats have nominated – with the notable exception of Bill Clinton – candidates to whom the neighbourhood bar was alien territory…like the surface of the moon.
Advantage GOP – the GOP wins the White House!
Comfort levels matter. The Democrats may nominate Obama…but Americans would clearly feel more comfortable knocking back a cold one with McCain.
HRC, on the other hand, has famously held her own in boozing with McCain.
I am sure with a bit of advice from JazzShaw on her brands she would be unstoppable! (Old Milwaukee…shudder…)
HRC would be great to have a beer with. No lectures . Just knocking them back.
…Kick a few tires…tell a few lies…
Jazz, I loved reading this, thanks!
Let's see, Hillary was in Crown Point, drinking Crown Royal trying to get to her coronation… makes sense to me!
You are right- she could have used an image consultant in selecting the drinks and following proper pub routine…. I'm surprised she didn't.
I guess she's too busy to learn the rituals of the working classes…. 
Actually I find this unseemly of her, hanging around in a bar drinking beer and doing shots. I understand what she's doing from a political standpoint, but it takes away from her image. But this is just minor for me and wouldn't sway my vote one way or the other.
BTW: the tall guy wearing the suit in the left of the photo- what's his expression all about? He's just creepy, IMO.
“Pennsylbama”, I like it!
Thanks again!
[...] The Moderate Voice – Domestic and international news analysis, irreverent comments, original reporti… wrote an interesting post today on Hillary Clintonâ??s Booze AdviserHere’s a quick excerptHillary Clinton’s Booze Adviser April 13th, 2008 by JAZZ SHAW While I have enjoyed writing columns here at The Moderate Voice in the short time since Joe Gandelman invited me, I feel it only fair to give warning to both the Editor and our readers that I may be moving on to a new position which could stop me from doing this. You see, I am going to be announcing my availability to accept a position with the Hillary Clinton campaign as her official Campaign Booze Adviser. With Mark Penn out of [...]
Excellent post JazzShaw. I'm a bit of a newbie here, but let me offer up this suggestion. If HRC really wants to impress, I would have her pounding back a couple of Natty Ice's — that would certainly appeal to the college crowds. They would be begging for her to do keg stands in no time!! Imagine, Obama vs Hillary either bowling or kegstanding. I think that would make for an excellent pay-per-view.
Excellent site, too Joe. I enjoy stopping by.
i like what seth meyers said on last nite's snl weekend update, on the report that $24,000 dollars of miller beer had been stolen in wisconsin: “$24,000 of miller beer? what, is that like all of it?”
[...] Context here. [...]
Jazz you have hit the bulls eye.
My memory might be clouded, but I recall a character in the recent anime adaptation of Beowulf – one of the inebriates swaggering about the medieval drinking hall, & leading the drinking songs, utterly shit-faced – was the spittin' image of Mrs. Clinton.
As a veteran of the brewing industry, and one who grew up in Wisconsin (where we started drinking beer (legally, back in the day) at 18 years of age — 47 years ago in my case— I'm not too fond of “beer snobs” who may not be organoleptically gifted.
It's a fine beer, actually, and I knew some brewmasters who drank it happily when they wanted a “light” tasting beer that wasn't brewed as a light (or Lite), if you know what I mean.
To whit:
Brewed since 1849 Old Milwaukee is a beer with history. Old Milwaukee is a trusted, high quality beer that continually receives national awards and accolades
From 2003 through 2007 at the Great American Beer Festival, Old Milwaukee
took home five Gold Medals in the American Style Lager Category and one
Gold Medal in the Non-Alcoholic Malt Beverage Category. The beer also received a Silver and a Bronze Medal in the American Style Light Category.
I kept various brands of beer and ale and stout (so that I have 4-5 “types”) for people with different preferences and tastes. Old Milwaukee is often one of those choices. It is consistently good, and appreciated by those who want a clean, light taste. Now, they used to say, on the OM commercials, “It doesn't get any better than this….” I don't know that I'd go quite THAT far, but it doesn't deserve your scorn, no way.
Some used to think you couldn't find pleasing tasting wine at 5-6 bucks a bottle. Well, I have news for THEM too.
If someone created a website which allowed us to vote on one simple question, 'are we bitter about how things have been going here in the United States', do you think the happy campers would 'win' or do you think the Americans who are fed up, been pushed down, passed over and trickled on would outnumber those who prefer to wear blinders?
For Hillary to try to twist this comment is beyond her normal campaign games, it's an act of desperation. When more google for information on her pastor and spritual advisor, Doug Coe, they may come to realize it is all a game to her. When they google through all the campaign lies alone, whether it's bullets flying, joining the Marines or simply her stands on issues, they will realize we'll be the losers in these games.
If you want to discuss someone out of touch or elitist, think about the string of unpaid bills Clinton has left in every state she's been in, bills owed to small vendors. Consider why one would fork out $26,000 for an orchestra for a fundraiser yet not pay her workers' health insurance premiums for two months.
And btw, we were fooled by a beer drinking party guy trying to act like the common man before, look where it got us. And if using that campaign game is not elitist, I'll eat my hat.
[...] SusanUnPC wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptAnd although Clinton is no stranger to late night drinks with the press and her staff, she usually prefers red wine or the trendy wheat ale Blue Moon with a slice of orange, not the watery light beer in the glass mug she waved in the … Read the rest of this great post here [...]
[...] Drinking advice for Hillary Clinton. [The Moderate Voice] [...]
[...] Posted in Election 2008 by districtautocrats on April 14th, 2008 Hillary Clinton is a Blue Moon fan. She drinks it properly with an orange. And although Clinton is no stranger to late night drinks [...]
[...] Clearly not. [...]
[...] Hillary Clinton’s Booze Advisor (jazzshaw@gmail.com) I’ll send you my phone number, you’ll ring me up and we’ll chat. I’ll have this campaign back on its feet, albeit at a bit of a stagger, in no time flat. Plus, I’ll help you work on your left hook for those … [...]
“Hillary Clinton’s Booze Adviser”…This article is great!
yes it is
I kept various brands of beer and ale and stout (so that I have 4-5 “types”) for people with different preferences and tastes.
very nice article, thank you for sharing
I do not know what is the position of Hilary Clinton in Obama Team right now.
Thx a lot nice info
that nice article about Hilary Clinton and now she join on Obama cabinet.
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i wonder who's Obama's booze adviser
thanks for sharing
First time i found information on this topic. thanks for sharing this
I love the black president and old woman too. they are perfect choose by our people.
age 60 but still looks young
Hillary Clinton’s Booze Adviser – awesome article. Thank you for continuous sharing of useful infos.
age 60… ? really
yeah … i agreed with you
Thanks for all this info.
age 60…? really
As Maureen Dowd noted, with incisive savagery, Kerry's desperate expression looked like he wished the beer in front of him was transformed into a sherry.
Speaking of Hillary Clinton:
There is bad news about her husband.
It is opined that Bill Clinton committed racist hate crimes, and I am not free to say anything further about it.
Respectfully Submitted by Andrew Y. Wang, J.D. Candidate
B.S., Summa Cum Laude, 1996
Messiah College, Grantham, PA
Lower Merion High School, Ardmore, PA, 1993
(I can type 90 words per minute, and there are probably thousands of copies on the Internet indicating the content of this post.)
_________________
“If only it were possible to ban invention that bottled up memories so they never got stale and faded.” Off the top of my head—it came from my Lower Merion High School yearbook.
Thanks for the great Info
Hillary is one of my favorite lady she is so though
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Yes she is an incredible lady
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