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Confessions in Search of Conviction

Last week, I crossed party lines to vote for Obama in the Missouri primary. Last night, I noted that I’m increasingly likely to do the same in November.

This evolution is more painful than you might imagine … if you could only hear the cacophony in my head.

“How can you do this?,” my conservative conscience screams. “You thoroughly distrust government’s ability to be all things to all people. You have seen and read far too many examples of the failures of public policy to fix what ails us. You further believe two strong parties are better than one and for that reason, among others, you decided to fight for the GOP’s renewal. You have drafted letters to GOP leaders and supported organizations devoted to moderating the party’s meaner instincts. Are you now just tossing that out the window?”

“Calm down,” I tell my conservative conscience. “There’s more than ideology, more than party at stake here. When I committed resources to fight for the GOP’s renewal, I also pledged never to be a blind party loyalist. That means, sometimes, I will vote for candidates who defy party and ideology. To do otherwise would be to abdicate my conscience to the conscience of others. As much as I believe in the wisdom of crowds, I also know we can’t realize the crowd’s wisdom without the diverse and independent contributions of its members. If I simply ‘go along to get along,’ I don’t serve the crowd, I fail it.”

After that exchange, my conservative conscience is quiet, but it doesn’t rest for long. Instead, it circles and glares at me and then strikes again … repeatedly.

Accordingly – if it’s helpful to other conservatives who are waging similar debates in their minds; or if it’s insightful for progressives who are perplexed by the growing number of Republicans crossing party lines to vote for the Senator from Illinois; or if it’s simply, solely cathartic for me – I’m now in the proces of writing and will publish here, over the next several days, a multi-part series on my growing fealty for Obama and the rationalization process it has sparked.

As always, reader comments are welcomed. Challenge me. Rebuke me. Never let me off the hook. Make me work for what I am starting to believe.

  • cosmoetica
    A few weeks back we argued on another thread re: politics and economics. Did any of that enter into your decision?
  • Pete Abel
    Cosmo -- In a word, Yes. That's not to say I've entirely bought into your philosophy, but it definitely had an impact. Which is precisely why I want others to challenge me, from left, right, and center, on this upcoming series. The exchange opened my mind as they say. You can and should feel good about that much, at least.
  • PaulSilver
    Pete, I admire your open mindedness and support for a moderate GOP.
    I prefer Obama as well because I believe that he likely to be the strongest champion for pragmatic, secular policy.

    My fantasy is an Obama/Clinton ticket , and once elected for him to nominate McCain as Secretary of Defense, Arlen Specter as Attorney general, Colin Powell as special Mid-east envoy along with Bill Clinton, Bill Richardson as Energy Secretary, John Edwards as point person for Health Care and Election reform , and others to a vibrant team of rivals.

    As always I remind myself and others that all of this is all for naught if Centrists do not gain control of the Senate.
  • BBQ
    Pete,
    I posted in your other post "Rolling over in his grave" asking about your switch. I will repost most of it.

    I just don't get it. What is it about Obama that you love so much? It's just rhetoric and while I like the message, I don't like what's behind it. Obama has been saying he wants Obamacans like there were Reagan Democrats. And he even said that those Democrats went against their self-interest to go for an agenda that wasn't good for them. That's what will happen with Republicans that vote for him, they will be extremely disappointed.

    You have been for awhile saying that moderate Republicans needed to take back the party. That we needed to get past the Bush policies and the divide and conquer. Even making "The Letter", well we finally have a candidate and your going to bail for some light and magic show. Ya McCain isn't perfect but I believe he is the best shot we have for awhile.

    I know that if McCain loses that the conservatives in the party will blame it on moderate Republicans but if we don't start fighting now well never take the party back or at least move the line further to the center.

    It's very discouraging to see fellow moderate Republicans fooled by Obama. He isn't going to represent conservative viewpoints for certain but he isn't going to even represent moderate policies. Maybe with a Republican congress but with a Democratic led congress it's going to be huge expansion of government, bad foreign policy and also a movement that will last a long time. This will take years to undo just like it has taken a long time for the Reagan Revolution to end.

    And I disagree with Paul a lot. I really do not see this pragmatic leader he sees. It's an idealist candidate. It's some of the best idealistic messages this young voter has ever heard and I completely get why most of my fellow young voters are going for him. But I tend to lean with the realistic/pragmatic side and for that Obama is not it.

    McCain has to the determent gone against the GOP and it nearly ruined any presidential aspirations he had. He has proven he will work with other people, his record does show that. He may not be the prefect moderate but unlike Obama he actually is one not just someone who talks about working with the other side.

    Obama has arleady started to talk about how bad some of McCain's views are and the GOP. I just don't see him going the full general election running a unity campaign. I hope I am wrong but I have arleady seen the attack ads (not run by Obama, but I doubt he will try to stop them).
  • GeorgeSorwell
    Pete--

    I'm sure this hasn't been easy for you, so I appreciate your willingness to discuss it openly.

    In my opinion, the Republican Party has gone off the rails. Very little has changed since the 2006 elections. Maybe a more convincing repudiation will be helpful.

    And it's a long, long time until November. Who knows what will happen?
  • Slamfu
    Forget your party. I'm voting for Obama unless Clinton gets the nomination, then I'm voting for McCain. You know in your heart who the best person is for the job. McCain isn't going to be taken out back and shot if he loses, he'll still be a strong force in the GOP bringing it back in line with where is should be.
  • DLS
    The one thing in favor of voting for Obama (as opposed to McCain, who is a Dem Lite often) is that it's a vote against the status quo, Business As Usual in DC. That is despite Obama's nearly-certain probability of pushing more of the same Dem-DC agenda, and even more on the party's left side. At least it may cause a few personnel changes in DC, and more "fixtures" may retire soon as a result. "[sigh] It's just not -- fun, any more."
  • DLS
    There are other (real) moderates who want a (real) conservative alternatve to the Dems, so there is a real choice ("A Choice, Not A Faint Echo" -- ha), but failing that this year, may vote for Obama rather than for McCain. You are not alone. The vote for Obama rather than McCain by GOP-leaners may be for the reason I gave earlier, or to "punish" the GOP for being Dem Lite (by accident or by design; it does not matter now), or because the voter simply doesn't like McCain. I believe Obama is likely to defeat McCain this year if that's our general election this year.
  • Maxim
    I believe the key words is compromise. The wave the flag, do it for yur country foreign policy - or as Pres. Reagan once dramatized - do it for the Gipper- speeches only work when the war yur fighting is justified. GW declared in font of the world "Your either with us or against us". And then went on to select a few rogue countries for being in the 'axis of evil'. I don't thing many Conservatives would've even had Iraq in the top 5 on that list before the all out blitz towards the road to war.
    You've been ignored, mocked, laughed at, and so has any moderate Rep candidate put in front of the GOP elite. Anybody else out there like Chuck Hagel? if u can remember that long ago he was once a candidate.
    So can this possibly be payback? Or maybe, faced with these choices - none of them being any of yur first or best choices - you'r simply compromising? Isn't that supposed to be a strong component of any political system? It's been so long since we've seen any that I forget!!
  • DLS
    "I believe the key words is compromise."

    "Bipartisanship" and "compromise" as commonly used in Washington has normally and typically meant instead, "Do what the Democrats demand." "Don't rock the boat." "Don't downsize DC."
  • Jim_Satterfield
    McCain is not, in spite of what the Limbaugh/Hannity wing of the party may claim, a moderate. So once again moderate Republicans do not have a candidate. I consider it unlikely that they will have one any time soon. What moderates are left in the Republican party that would realistically have a chance in the next two election cycles? Is it really possible that the far right wing will lose their grip any time soon?
  • BBQ
    Jim wouldn't know what moderate was if it was tattooed to his forehead. You don't have be a liberal to be a moderate. You can be a moderate conservative. I will give you that there are more moderate Republicans but that doesn't mean he isn't one of them.
  • CStanley
    Pete, your conscience is right, and the reason it won't leave you alone is that I think you know that this is a crucial time for moderates to speak up to reform the GOP, not abandon it.

    I'm curious what it is about Obama that attracts you too. I'm also curious about the exchange with cosmo that was referenced- I missed it, so I'm wondering if anyone can provide a link? I just don't get what it is that has made you changed your mind. And frankly, although it's your vote and your decision, I can't help but feel a bit betrayed since I was one who signed on to your letter. I felt that I had to compromise on some positions on which I'm farther to the right in order to sign on to it, but I believed in what you were trying to do. Now I feel that you must not have really believed in it yourself.
  • Pete Abel
    Christine -- I understand and appreciate your concerns. Let's trade notes after I finish the entire series. See next installment here.
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