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This Just In!


Jan 19, 2013 by

This just in from investigative reporter Andy Borowitz:

FOX NEWS TO SHUT DOWN FOR ROUTINE MAINTENANCE MONDAY MORNING AT 11:30
Posted by Andy Borowitz

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Fox News Channel announced today that it would shut down for what it called “routine maintenance” Monday morning at 11:30 E.T.

Fox News president Roger Ailes explained the timing of the shutdown, which will be the first in the history of the network: “We wanted to pick a time when we were positive nothing would be happening that our viewers would want to see.”

Mr. Ailes said that Fox had considered shutting down only once before, exactly four years earlier on January 20, 2009, and later regretted the decision to continue broadcasting that day: “It turned out that no Fox viewers wanted to watch TV that day. And I mean none.”

According to Mr. Ailes, for the twelve hours Fox News is off the air on Monday the network will broadcast a continuous photomontage of white people.

Read the whole thing.

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11 Comments

  1. The_Ohioan
    January 19, 2013 | 12:57 pm

    “It’ll be like Monday never happened.” Been that way for the last four years.

  2. StockBoyLA
    January 19, 2013 | 2:00 pm

    The_Ohioan: lol! agreed!

  3. DORIAN DE WIND, Military Affairs Columnist
    January 19, 2013 | 3:33 pm

    Having seen how often Faux News ignores important Democratic/Presidential events, would not surprise me…

  4. dduck
    January 19, 2013 | 4:05 pm

    Now, now boys, have some nice fiber cookies.

  5. sheknows
    January 19, 2013 | 4:37 pm

    “broadcast a continuous photomontage of white people” :)

    Where oh where will the narrowminded get their news that Monday? Does Fox even PRETEND to be a legitimate news station?

  6. dduck
    January 19, 2013 | 5:30 pm

    Why, except for Joe S., on MSNBC.

  7. SteveK
    January 19, 2013 | 5:40 pm

    THIS JUST IN…

    2 hurt in accidental shooting at NC gun show

    RALEIGH, N.C. – Officials say two people were accidentally shot and wounded at a gun show at the North Carolina state fairgrounds.

    It happened Saturday at the Dixie Gun and Knife Show, a quarterly event that usually draws thousands of people to the fairgrounds in Raleigh.

    The fairground is operated by the state agriculture department. Agency spokesman Brian Long says a 12-gauge shotgun discharged while its owner unzipped its case for a law enforcement officer to check it at a security entrance.

    Emergency crews responded to the scene, and two people were loaded into ambulances.

    Long says the shotgun’s owner brought the weapon to the show to find a private buyer.

    The show shut down early Saturday.

  8. The_Ohioan
    January 19, 2013 | 5:44 pm

    Good one, dd. Satire is catching isn’t it?

  9. PATRICK EDABURN, Assistant Editor
    January 19, 2013 | 11:13 pm

    Ah Satire….

    Didn’t MSNBC do the same thing from 2001-2009

    Oh wait… they are always off air on the weekends (well except for the prison shows)

  10. DORIAN DE WIND, Military Affairs Columnist
    January 20, 2013 | 8:52 am

    Vice President Joe Biden was sworn in for his second term this morning.

    Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor administered the oath of office to Biden in the Naval Observatory, the vice president’s official residence.

    The swearing-in ceremony, attended by 120 guests of the Bidens, was watched by a press pool.

    I bet you Faux Fox was down for unscheduled maintenance :)

    Obama’s swearing in will be held at noon today in the White House, where he will be joined by his family and Chief Justice John Roberts, who will administer the oath of office.

    I bet you Faux Fox will be down for preventive maintenance :)

  11. 4chewnut
    January 21, 2013 | 3:29 am

    Tues. Jan. 22, 2013

    fox news spokesperson denies claim, dishonesty decline due to maintenance shutdown.