This Just In!

This just in from investigative reporter Andy Borowitz:

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Just hours after being sworn in at the U.S. Capitol, the freshman class of House Republicans said that they were disappointed that they failed to shut down the government on their first day in office.

“We were all like, ‘O.K., we’re sworn in, let’s shut this thing down,’” said freshman Rep. Byron Ernie (R-Kentucky). “We were all pretty bummed that the government just kept running.”

Rep. Ernie acknowledged that it might have been “overly optimistic” of the freshman Republicans to expect to engineer a government shutdown on their very first day, “but bringing the government to a random standstill was the whole reason we became Republicans,” he said.

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Virginia) chuckled good-naturedly at the ambitions of the high-spirited G.O.P. freshmen, telling reporters, “I remember what it was like to be young and full of big ideas about crippling our historic institutions for no discernible reason whatsoever. There’s nothing like your first time.”

Read the whole thing.

(Just so there’s no confusion, Borowitz is one of the country’s best satirists. This reads like reality, but it isn’t.)

         

1 Comment

  1. This could be reality, all too easily. The anarchists are taking power and the befuddled Republican voters have no idea what or who they elect. All they see is Republican on the ticket….good enough for them.

    Even when these anti-government wing nuts cause chaos and dissention, they are defended by the ignorant masses who elected them. Straight party voters are blinded by partisan loyalty.
    None of these people would knowingly vote Libertarian, but have no problem once they are elected.

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