Female Sexual Predators: A Frank Discussion

We had a simply incredible discussion of male victims and female perpetrators of sexual abuse, violence, and rape on Huffington Post last week, which you can watch here:

(Warning: Frank and explicit language.)

Furthermore, the chat room had many useful links you can find here.

Kudos to Huffington Post for having the courage to take this issue on in a genuine journalistic fashion and without flinching or trying to change the subject to female victims, about which information is available in abundance across our culture.

To this show I would add that required reading is my scholarly friend and radio show co-host Typhon Blue’s article, Manufacturing Female Victimhood and Marginalizing Vulnerable Men. Her writing, compassion, and personal experiences in this area did much to make me re-evaluate my experiences and what I and others have been through. We do live in a rape culture: one that marginalizes and dismisses female rapists and male victims.

The best comment I received on this interview was from “Gwallan” over at A Voice for Men:

“I’ve been arguing for years that men do not understand a “right to consent” at all because the culture denies it. We teach boys more about girls’ rights than their own. They learn that their natural masculinity is bestial. Everything around them saturates their brains with the notion that if they don’t desperately want it there must be something wrong with them.”

To which I would only add that I absolutely agree, and every young man should be told that it’s a vicious lie to treat male sexuality like it’s dangerous, animalistic, or should be available upon demand–and it’s wrong to forget to tell boys that they have every right to say “no” too–to anyone, of any sex.

Second best comment was Renee Hendricks, who noted:

Excellent video. I plan on having my 13 year old son watch this as well. I don’t want him to be a victim *ever*. I want him to speak up if it ever happens. I’ve tried to be very open with him with regard to sex and sexuality. He’s been told that “no means no” for him as well as his sisters.

I hope every mother (and father) of a son tells them about these things. I made sure to have a long discussion about it with my eldest, and felt bad for not doing it sooner (he’s 15, and by the time I was his age I had already been molested by both a woman and a man).

Note: This is an update to the item I announced last Friday with supplemental links.

Author: DEAN ESMAY, Guest Voice Columnist

Dean Esmay is a long-time associate of Joe Gandelman and The Moderate Voice. He is Managing Editor of A Voice for Men. He also blogs on a variety of issues at Dean's World, one of the world's first blogs and one of the few that was archived as Historically Significant by the Library of Congress for the 2004 elections. You can also follow Dean via Twitter here.

3 Comments

  1. “I’ve been arguing for years that men do not understand a “right to consent” at all because the culture denies it. We teach boys more about girls’ rights than their own. They learn that their natural masculinity is bestial. Everything around them saturates their brains with the notion that if they don’t desperately want it there must be something wrong with them.”

    I agree whole-heartedly. Frankly, I’m a bit shocked that you do, Dean, as I said something almost exactly like this on one of your threads in the past, and both you and GGW called me a sexist bigot. This could have come right off of any feminist website.

    Dean, you’re doing really important work. Your understanding about who is at fault, and who your natural allies should be, seem to be dramatically misplaced.

  2. I think you’re both fighting on the same side but haven’t figured it out yet.

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