Ahmadinejad News Flash!

From the investigative news team at The Garlic:

Breaking News! Confusion, As Ahmadinejad Claims He’s Enrolling In Columbia, Wants “Campus Life Experience”

State Department Says No Defection Or Asylum Requested; Levi’s and Girls Gone Wild Videos Factor In Iranian President Decision

State Department officials are scrambling this morning, after reports surfaced that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad made statements that he wasn’t coming to speak at Columbia University, in New York City, but rather to enroll in the school.

Intercepted cables, which the government would neither confirm or deny were obtained via their illegal wiretapping program, and readings of the Iranian President’s blog, as one State Department official close to the investigation characterized, that Ahmadinejad “longs for an American college campus life experience”.

“He’s obsessed with it,” said the official. “All he talks about is wearing t-shirts and Levi’s … Hanging out in coffee shops … And girls.”

Reportedly, the Iranian President is a big fan of the ‘Girls Gone Wild’ videos and believes he’s missing out on something. His desire to enter college, an American college, is the driving force to meet girls as depicted in the videos.

There’s MORE so read the whole thing.