The Immigration Issue: It’s Really Very Simple
Jackie Mason and Raoul Felder explain that conservatives and centrists are, essentially, inventing problems, in this case an immigration problem:
We have a simple solution to the immigration debate. But first, why do we talk about the immigration problem? We have an immigration problem when people fight to get out of a country, not to get into a country. What we have here is something between “a condition” like when your mother-in-law has bursitis, and a “situation” like when a low-life neighbor keeps parking in your driveway.
The merry couple also came up with a solution to the problem, which consists out of three parts:
1. Registration… What we need to do is [to] develop a central complete registry of all aliens in America — legal and illegal. As to what we do with the illegals who step up to the plate and register, see #3. Those that don’t register will eventually either be questioned for something else, perhaps trying to get a job or otherwise interface with the institutions of our country. Prospective employers or other agencies should be required to report unregistered aliens immediately. If an employee does not do so, he should be charged with a crime. An immigrant not having the proper card should be immediately deported and never be permitted to reenter the country. Eventually all of the illegals will either be sent to jail or, over the course of time, die.
2. Fences: The idea we cannot build a suitable fence or have secure borders is ridiculous. We have had secure borders in Germany, North and South Korea, Vietnam, etc. Dictators throughout history have been able to build fences to keep the people in or out. The Great Wall of China was 1,500 miles long, built in the 3d cent. B.C., and is still around.
In this regard, we have an additional simple solution. Just give anybody who will live on the border two free acres of land.
3. Draft Boards: For those immigrants who register but are not here legally, we should establish local community boards, similar to the local drafts boards we had in World War II. These would be made up of small groups of dedicated citizens who would devote their time to hear cases involving the illegal aliens who have registered, on a case by case basis. In that way, local community standards, which vary from place to place in the country, would be applied. Only after this process is completed would the aliens be permitted to test adverse decisions through the judicial system.
The wonderful world of the far left: make love, not war. Let as many immigrants in as possible. There is no immigration problem, for immigrants enrich the nation. Build illegal immigrants clubhouses so they can play billiards and chess. Hug them. Cudle them.
Here is my solution to the problem: listen to what the far right says, listen to what the far left say and then choose the middle road.
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8 Responses to “The Immigration Issue: It’s Really Very Simple”
Wow! Dude, do you get federal agricultural subsidies for these prolific strawman you toss out?
You don’t really understand deliberate hyperbole do you Davebo…
This one of my main problems with the Democrats (or at least their liberal wing); they don’t see any of the problems brought by uncontrolled immigration. Maybe it’s because I work in a town where any time the INS shows up over 200 people don’t show up to work during my shift, but even this liberal thinks illegal immigration is a problem.
Don’t be confused Michael, many progressives and liberals aren’t as naive as Mr. Mason and Felder.
Dustin,
You seem to be having the problem with understanding. Of course illegal immigration is a problem.
And we aren’t going to come to a working solution by tossing out deliberate hyperbole.
And I’d add, immigration (not just illegal immigration but including it) isn’t nearly the problem in the US that it is in The Netherlands.
Mainly because we seem to have a much higher quality of immigrants, both legal and illegal.
I think Mason and Felder offer some reasonable solutions including securing the border which is the first step.
Which of their proposals do you or Michael have a problem with?
Michael, actually, you were too quick to paint these authors as left-fielders. They rip into Clinton, Gore and Sarandon without hesitation.
As an aside, their three-point program is a copy of O’Reilly’s four-point program…..just omitting the tamper-proof ID.
This particular immigration bill is now fatally tainted politically regardless of how you might view the components therein.
The best thing Bush, Kennedy and McCain can do for immigration reform is to swear to never go near the subject again.
Davebo: Do you really think that in anyplace except immigrant strongholds like Los Angeles proposal #3 would work?
Oh they’d work. The boards would tell nearly every illegal immigrant to “get the **** out of my country” and then deport them back to their home country.
What’s that immigrant going to do then? They’ve already come in illegally once; they’ll do it again most likely.
The crucial first ‘fix’ that needs to take place isn’t a fence or immigration. It honestly doesn’t even need to be anything relating to the immigrants. No, it needs to be proper punishments to businesses that hire illegals.
Without major fines and/or shutdowns, and probably not until a number of major case-examples, nothing will happen.
Maybe I’m too close to the debate because I see it happen literally every day when I go to work, but anything focusing on the immigrants first and their employers second is bound to fail.
Actually Jackie Mason is a hard right winger Michael, so you need to amend this post ALOT.
Michael,
After reading you post, I’m relieved to see that you’re not implying that *you* thought that the immigration issue was simple. Especially since you haven’t seen fit to reply to those questioning your *complicated*?* position in your last few xenophobic posts on the issue,. lol
Whoa…maybe I’m off base here, but I’m pretty sure y’all are missing that this is an entirely satirical post? I’m pretty certain these authors, regardless of their political bent, are not going to imply in earnest that we should follow the lead of dictators, WWII draft boards, national registry of all legal and illegal immigrants (er, let’s think 1932 Germany here, people…).