[GUEST VOICE] Campaign Satire: Suggested Entry Interview Questions for Potential POTUS Candidates 2016

By TMV commenter Cjjack…

Okay, I wasn’t going to do this, but I’m feeling a little sorry for the GOP today. I’m going to help them out, by assisting them in writing the application for the 2016 Presidential campaign. In honor of Cain’s recently deceased candidacy, there are 9 questions. (There could be more) Here goes:

“Dear 2016 Presidential hopeful,

Thank you for your interest in the Republican Party nomination for President of the United States. Please answer all questions honestly. Thank you in advance.

1. Are you Christian? (Born-again preferred)

2. Are you or your spouse gay? (closeted does count)

3. Is your name synonymous with anything sexual on the internet? (please Google yourself)

4. Have you ever had anything in your life that is, was, or could be misconstrued as an extramarital affair? (No, you don’t need to disclose details here, but rest assured it will come out eventually)

5. Seriously, have you ever had an affair? Have you ever “done a woman wrong,” been “hiking the Appalachian Trail,” had any “special friendships” or spent any time in a hotel room with an assistant? (Again, you don’t need to tell us specifics, but trust us, the media will find out. That’s what they do. That’s all they do.)

6. Look we don’t mean to pry, but if you’re one of those guys who is married to an obvious “trophy wife” and you’ve got an older, less attractive ex-wife lurking out there, we need to know. Now. Nothing personal, but we’re about to spend half a billion dollars on your candidacy, so we need to know if there will be any “surprises” on the campaign trail.

7. We can’t stress this enough, but as you are no doubt aware, Gloria Allred is more than happy to lend her services to any woman who has been mistreated by a man, so if there’s anyone like that in your past, we really need to know about it. Care to share?

8. In case you were wondering, this was sort of an “issue” for us the last couple of election cycles, so if – for example – you are a closeted gay Governor whose marriage is a sham, you’re not going to need to fill out the rest of this application. If you’re associated with any “ex-gay” ministries, that’s kind of a dead giveaway, so don’t waste our time.

9. Have you ever run as a “family values” candidate in any other election? If the answer is “yes,” and you answered “yes” or even “maybe” to any of the previous questions, please stop right here. Don’t submit this application, and please God don’t call us.

Thank you,

2016 Republican Campaign for President.”

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CODA
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