Save Time Create Two Parties in One

With all the hand wringing that has gone on this week in the wake of the former Speaker of the House’s comments about “social engineering”, I began to wonder if we couldn’t take care of two birds with one stone. I propose we create only one party and call it the “Zealot Party” (ZP). I know, you are wondering if you too could join this new party. Well, the primary criteria for membership, the litmus test, if you will, is whether or not you feel your ideas are so great, so non-negotiable, that all other citizens should be forced live by your principles. The black and white nature of the test for membership I am sure will appeal to the party’s potential members.

The mix of members the ZP attracts however may be less than appealing to the potential members. See, there is a problem with zealotry. There is usually someone who maintains an opposing opinion just as strongly as the zealot in question. So, my grand plan includes the desegregation of the zealots. Let’s throw them all in one party. Maybe if the new party attracts enough of the “my way or the highway” crowd, they may begin to cancel each other out. Sadly, however, they may finally figure out the true enemy.

Yup, you guessed it, the true enemy of the ZP is not the zealots on the other side; the true enemy is us. Moderates, independents and fence sitters make a real zealot’s blood boil. The ideological secret police lie in wait for those who are not true believers. Former Speaker of the House, Newt Gingrich, and Brent Bozell are a great example of this system. Newt, the stalwart conservative, became reasonable for a few seconds on Meet the Press Sunday and Bozell, the Chairman of the non-profit 501(c)4 “For America”, made him pay. I won’t rehash Gingrich’s comments about left and right wing social engineering but, I think one line says it all for Bozell and the rest of the zealot secret purity police in the right wing:

“The American people do not want ObamaCare and they do not want NewtCare.”

The ironic dichotomy of zealot behavior is that although we (moderates) disgust zealots, they love to tell people they speak for us.

So even though the new ZP will include both the left and right, the modus operandi will remain the same. It will begin by demonizing ideas. It will establish the parameters for ideological purity. It will mobilize small portions of the population with tried and true emotional hot buttons like fear and greed. They will attack the other side with political spin and ideological based pseudo-science from party funded think tanks. And finally, they will attack those who disagree on a personal level to the point compromise and negotiation are impossible. It will all just be more efficient. Today the dirt diggers will work on lefties and tomorrow they will work on righties.

So, to quote Newt, if you find yourself “imposing radical change” from either the right or the left, YOU are the Zealot Party’s kind of people. Join them and make the world a better place. Do you think a single payer system is the only answer, join the ZP! To heck with those idiots who like their Blue Cross and Blue Shield. If you think all taxes are bad and government (read in incompetent government employees) never does anything right, then get on down to the ZP office and sign up. Do you secretly hope for ten dollar gas so people will be forced to lose the big SUVs, then why haven’t you joined already? Do you like demonizing the other side? Do you draw Hitler mustaches on pictures of people in which you don’t agree? You might be ZP leadership material. Do you think the only real Americans agree completely with you and everyone else really wants to destroy America? You could be chairman of the Zealot Party!