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Literary Quote of the Day: Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Today’s literary quote of the day is from Alfred Lord Tennyson‘s In Memoriam:
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
I cannot help but to feel that whomever agrees with Tennyson has never truly loved.
Share your thoughts on today’s literary quote in the comment section of this post.
25 Responses to “Literary Quote of the Day: Alfred, Lord Tennyson”
I think it depends upon the definition of “love”.
If you’ve never experienced love of any sort, that would be very sad.
Yes.
On the other hand… we have a saying “what doesn’t know, doesn’t hurt”.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.
W.H.Auden, ‘Funeral Blues’
Loss of love certainly hurts, but I have to agree with Tennyson. It might be easier to have never experienced love, but not better. The experience changes a person for the better, and one becomes a better person, more capable of loving others (as long as the pain of the loss is mourned and not allowed to poison future relationships.)
My latest tale of a love lost, or at least how i feel about it:
(PS: My parents are firmly against me dating outside the race)
“Black Girl Lost” (feat. JoJo Hailey)
[JoJo Hailey]
Listen.. to reason
Pretty baby baby listen..
[Nas]
A young wild beautiful love child
You like them thug style link rockin, then mink coppin
Hit you on the sink a hundred dollar drink poppin
The head’ll make you take him shoppin, a foul doctrine
Reminiscent of my first time up in a chick
You was innocent, but now you rent-a-dick, wear the tightest shit
Chanel lookin real, airbrushed nails
Hit the gym, hit the scales, heaven-sent but negligent (so fine..)
To see a prophecy, your ebony tone is lockin me
The way you moan make me daydream of you on top of me
Wishin I could be the one man; but you juggle
way too many Willies all in one hand
You wanna run up in clubs, gettin rubbed on
N*ggaz pull your hair, shake your fat rear
Get your f*ck on – followin week, you back there
But what you stuck on, weed, clowns and cars
Puffin with some lil n*gga, husband not knowin she’s out
Could you believe Eve, Mother Earth of the seas
N*ggaz thirst you, you just let em hurt you and leave
What up mah, frontin like you naive
Pusherman’s whip, callin police when you flip
Can’t understand it, yo it should be a throne for us
But for now that’s a whole different zone from us, word!
[Chorus: JoJo Hailey]
Diamonds all shinin, lookin all fine
Pretty little face, get a little high
Young girl stugglin, tryin to survive
Mother of the Earth, she made you and I
Just tired of playin the same ol’ games
Messin with my mind, emotional thangs
And there goes.. a black girl.. lost
[Nas]
Like Isis, she got you heartbroke and felt lifeless
Grow up girl instead you want revenge so now you act the nicest
to who’sever gettin down and trifless
To get his mind all you do is give him somethin priceless
Cause in time he’ll realize the thighs is all he needs
More than weed, then you hit him off with lies and greed (deceit, yeah)
There you go again, startin wars, makin me more yours
Seem to get a kick out of keepin me on all fours
Face glistenin, I’m addicted to you
Original, Wisdom Body got me picturin you
Igloos of ice trickin on you, you never listen
to this nigga spendin Franklins on tennis anklets
Must’ve had a bad deal in the past though
Can’t even keep it real with a n*gga with cash flow
Say men are all the same, what we need to do is break this chain
You got a job part-time and school’s your night thing
With dreams to settle down, it ain’t far from now
You gettin interviewed, but your boss is into gettin screwed
Typical day that the black girl sees
Comin home wantin more from a college degree
[Chorus]
[Nas]
Where are you focused, on legit n*ggaz and where the coke is
Nice and Thug Life n*ggaz, yo you seem hopeless
Your value – too much to be measured, I wonder how you
could ever be played, your pussy worth gold amountin to
more than the world, but not knowin nothin about you
[You leavin the crib, takin all your kids out to
drop them off, lettin some n*gga knock you off]
So hot and soft, that’s the same thing that got you lost (you should be ashamed)
Growin up seein it, it should remind you, you bein lied to
Everything that move be inside you
Sacred as you are, left with these wannabes to guide you
I watched you, hard to knock you, I tried not to
They spot you out dancin topless in your drawers
Damn look, there goes a black girl lost
[JoJo Hailey]
You should be ashamed of yourself
The way you carry yourself
The way you hang out all night long
Doin silly things that is wrong
Chuck: why do they oppose “dating outside the race”?
I find views like that to be so extremely silly that I have an incredible hard time respecting people who share those views.
C.S.
In other words, objectively spoken it is not better at all… it is what one does with it.
In either case he was… wrong.
In my opinion that is.
“My parents are firmly against me dating outside the race”
Come on, Chuck, sometines you have to follow your heart, not your parents!
It stems from how there were raised…my mother jokingly asked her father what would happen if she dated a black man…he simply replied that he’d kill them both or something to that degree and I believe he ripped the phone out of the wall too…the female in question I met my last semester at University…we started to hang out…I began to want her as my girl…of course then she was the party girl (hence the song reference, she’s grown up and matured so much now)…which I overlooked at the time (regrettably so to a degree)…but regardless she’s a loyal friend and we’ve been through some very tough times and she’s held me down even though my parents thoroughly embarrased me in front of her after a car accident while we were trying to explain what happened…basically they threw us both under the bus…i was devastated but she still stuck around…okay enough of that, my parents said that because of her skin color if I dated her I’d hurt their reputation and it would be hard for me to live life because I would “stoop to her socioeconomicracial level” and it would be an embarrassment to the family. But such is life in AmeriKKKa, man
No, objectively I’d still say it’s better. Anything that has the potential to shape a person, to make them better able to love others, is positive even if it is hard and even if it is possible to mess it up and have it create the opposite effect. I think if you’re in love and it’s still too early to know if you’ll lose it, you can’t objectively evaluate whether the potential loss could ultimately be a good thing. I guess my perspective is that I’ve now experienced the loss several times and it was excruciating (certainly at the time I couldn’t have seen it as a positive) but it shaped my ability to now love others more fully, and to have a marriage that I’m confident will not end till “death do us part”. I don’t think I could have come to this relationship unless the others had been experienced, including the losses.
And believe me, if someone had quoted those lines to me during the time that I was experiencing my first love, I’d have felt the same way as you do. It’s probably not something you even should consider at that point in your life. The words aren’t convincing because it’s unthinkable that the current relationship will end, and so it’s better not to even go there. Better to just live for the moment and experience it all, and then see what comes. If that first relationship doesn’t end, that’s great, but that’s the exceptional case. Nothing wrong with believing that you are going to be the exception though
That is sad, CPrez. Sad for you personally, and sad that interracial dating isn’t as accepted as it should be.
Yes, good point C.S.
Chuck: I second C.S.’s words. Very sad.
And, o, if I were you I would follow Gray’s advise on this one.
“my parents said that because of her skin color if I dated her I’d hurt their reputation”
Unbelievable that these ‘Romeo and Julia’ problems still happen today! Sorry for you, Chuck. We have to love our parents, but sometimes they are a p*** in the a**. If you’re both in love, I’d say, forget about your parents, let them reconsider if their prejudice is more important than their son. If it’s just a friendship, maybe you can manage to avoid confrontation. But don’t rely on what I say, pls, better get some second and third opinions. To be honest, I’m notorious for screwing my relationships (oops, pun not intended).
CPrez,
Just curious, how much do you think it’s purely a racial issue vs. and economic/class one? I’m not saying that either is justified, I’m just curious about the attitudes involved. In other words, if you fell in love with an upper middle class black woman, do you think there’s a chance that your parents would accept her (maybe reluctantly, but eventually coming around)? Or what about a white woman from a lower socio-economic bracket- would they object?
It’s a racial AND socioeconomic issue with them. They have a narrow view expectations-wise on who they want their sons to marry (white or light-skinned hispanic of AT MINIMUM a middle-middle class background who has at least a Bachelor’s degree)…they’re very susceptible to the keeping up w/ the Joneses mentality. However, in financial terms, they’ ve supported me throughout my numerous f*ck ups…so it’s a weird position I’m in…However, *her* (who, btw, came from absolutely nothing to graduate w/ a Bachelor’s degree from Penn State and busted her ass to do so and made numerous sacrifices doing that) and I have sort of grown apart but we’ve been wanting (an trying in vain) to spend more time…so who knows…I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Gimme a break.
I loved X. She was removed from my world. I am grief stricken. But it is far better to have loved her than not, or to never have had the blessing of loving her.
I guess that’s pretty much what I expected. I think the racial issue is becoming a little more accepted (not yet fully though, of course…and some people of my generation are still reacting to the environment that we grew up in…more on that in a minute.)
But the socioeconomic barriers are still vast. My advice, if you want it: First of all, whether or not to pursue any relationship against your parents wishes is complex. I agree about following your heart, but you have to weigh your heart feelings for your relationship with your parents against those for the girl. And, also, of course, whether she’s “worth it” in terms of being someone you could trust for the long haul, and whether or not you think your feelings will go the distance.
You seem fairly close to your parents so you can probably see that their objections come from valid concern for you, whether misguided or not. Remember that predjudices come from fear, and it might be worthwhile to see if you can gradually help them overcome that fear. Express to them that you can see why they might have concern about your future with this girl. Tell them the reasons that you think she’s it…as you expressed here, she’s taken herself above the station she was born into, and that’s pretty impressive.
As I’m writing this, I’m thinking about a conference I attended yesterday on nonviolent communication. It’s a pretty radical (but sensible) method of communication created by Marshall Rosenberg, and you may be interested (for broaching this subject with your parents as well as just generally..it’s really quite interesting). Basically the idea is to learn to understand the feelings and needs of the other person and then respond to that, so you are always seeing the real reason for what they are saying. That builds empathy so instead of feeling angry (even if there’s reason to feel that way) you can react without judgment and that builds the bridge to solving the problem.
Oh, and about my generation, here’s a story from my youth. In high school, I developed a close friendship with a black guy. His Dad was a New Orleans musician and was playing for one of our school dances, so Keith asked me to go with him. Now, he did want to date me, while my feelings were just platonic (and honestly I can’t say if it’s just my real feelings or if cultural taboos made me this way, but I’ve really generally not been attracted to black men) and I’d made that clear to him and to my parents. Didn’t matter to them though, they hit the roof and forbade me to go with him. Their objections were based on their fear that I’d be “encouraging him” and that I’d end up getting drawn into a romantic relationship with him. And it really wasn’t so much that they personally objected to that, but they were very concerned about what “other people” would think. And they weren’t the type to have been concerned about their own reputation (not at all the “keeping up with the Joneses type and never did anything for show), but they did truly fear that I’d face criticism, harassment, etc.
These things are just pretty ingrained and I think it’s going to take a few more generations to undo them. That’s sad, but that’s reality. And the economic divide will probably never go away; hopefully though, people like your parents will see the difference between the legitimate concern of marrying a person who doesn’t want to better themselves vs. the unfair concern about someone who has already proven that she does, and will, rise out of that situation.
Oh, and if anyone else is interested in the nonviolent communication movement, that wiki link has some other links to more info. I actually got to hear Marshall Rosenberg, and he’s fascinating. If you ever get a chance to go to one of these conferences, by all means, go.
Thanks for posting that link C.S.
Chuck: I hope that C.S.’s wisdom is of service to you
Good to see, actually, that we’re becoming a community here (complete with the rebelious teenagers!).
LOL, yeah, but I feel old!
C.S. don’t feel like that… I was referring to you when I wrote “complete with the rebelious teenagers!”
LOL, hardly, but thanks anyway, Michael.
Thanks, C, for the insight. It’s much appreciated.
Although I wonder what those on the far ends of the “political spectrum” feel about my situation (Laura and UpInSmoke on the right and Grey or whomever on the left) as it will tell me a lot about their true character.
Hey, Chuck, I’m only on the far ends of the plitical spectrum here because TMV’s commentosphere is so scewed to the right. We need some Kossacks for a better balance! Well, at least Rudi is still on my left side.
“it will tell me a lot about their true character”
This leaves me wondering – I hope nothing I said, maybe about your parents, offended you, Chuck?
:-/
“I wonder what those on the far ends of the “political spectrumâ€? feel about my situation”
To leave no doubts here, the answer is: A lot of empathy, Chuck! Actually, I once had a short termed relationship with a beautiful African lady. Nothing serious, but yet I was wondering about future problems, too. That our paths eventually seperated had nothing to do with this, though.