This Just In!!
THIS JUST IN from investigative reporter Andy Borowitz:
Rosie-Trump Feud Moves Doomsday Clock Closer to MidnightBattling Duo Could Hasten Armageddon, Scientists Fear
The ongoing feud between Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump could have deadly consequences for the world if either obtained nuclear weapons, a group of leading nuclear scientists announced today.
The Chicago-based Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists, founded in 1945 as a publication by nuclear physicists worried about the possibility of nuclear war, expressed their concern about the Rosie-Trump brouhaha by moving the fabled Doomsday Clock forward to three minutes to zero.
The scientists’ announcement left little doubt that they see the brutal smackdown between Mr. Trump and Ms. O’Donnell as the most likely harbinger of Armageddon.
“Clearly, if either Rosie O’Donnell or Donald Trump obtained nuclear weapons, the world would be burnt to a crisp,� said Stephen Hawking, the famed cosmologist and mathematician. “We haven’t been so concerned since fighting broke out between Liza Minnelli and David Gest.�
While the scientists offered no solutions to their downbeat scenario, such as economic sanctions against Mr. Trump or a naval embargo against Ms. O’Donnell, it was their hope that by moving the Doomsday Clock to three minutes to midnight they would catch the attention of world leaders.
But according to the University of Minnesota’s Davis Logsdon, who studies nuclear proliferation among unhinged celebrities, the scientists’ assessment of the threat posed by the Rosie-Trump dust-up may be overdone.
“It’s not as if Naomi Campbell got hold of a nuke and threw it at the world,� he said.
There’s more so read the whole thing. And check out Borowitz’s latest so-silly-it-must-be-real book:
