This Just In!!

THIS JUST IN from investigative reporter Andy Borowitz:

God Denies Talking to Pat Robertson
Supreme Being Calls Televangelist ‘Delusional’

Just days after the Rev. Pat Robertson claimed on his “700 Club� program that God warned him of “mass killings� in the U.S. late in 2007, God held a rare press conference today to deny having spoken to the controversial televangelist.

For the usually publicity-shy King of the Universe, the press conference held at the Chicago Airport Marriott signaled a sharp break with tradition.

But appearing before the press in His trademark flowing robes and white beard, and carrying what appeared to be a lightning bolt, God said that He decided to convene the extraordinary press briefing because “I had to set the record straight about this.�

“I want to make it clear that at no time at the end of the year did I have any conversation with the Rev. Pat Robertson,� the Supreme Being said. “Personally, I think the guy is delusional.�

God then distributed His personal phone logs for the month of December to prove that He had in fact no contact with the Rev. Robertson.

“I don’t make a habit of talking to TV personalities,� God emphasized. “Although on New Year’s Eve I did have a brief chat with Ryan Seacrest to wish him good luck.�

Answering a reporter’s question, God acknowledged that with war raging around the globe, 2006 had been a “difficult year� for the forces of goodness, but He remained upbeat, pointing to some of His accomplishments in the year just past.

“At least I got Judith Regan fired,� He said.

There’s more so read the whole thing. And check out Borowitz’s latest so-silly-it-must-be-real book: